I have been away for such a long time and I must apologise but I have been really struggling and haven’t felt like doing anything except sleeping(I haven’t even done that very well)!
Anyway, something awesome happened tonight and I think I’m coming back from the brink. I think I’m healing for the first time since this last bout of depression took it’s grip, properly coming back, properly healing.
Tonight, I got out of the bath and really looked at myself. I haven’t done this for such a long time because I haven’t had a full length mirror but mostly because I’ve hated myself for allowing myself to put so much weight on. But tonight, I really studied myself, every flaw and for the first time since I can remember, I genuinely felt loved for myself. I have really struggled recently with my mental health and hatred of myself and tonight I felt proud of myself. I felt proud of myself for fighting, I felt proud of myself for never giving in, I felt proud of myself for getting out of bed everyday when some days it was all too much and most importantly, I felt proud of me for living. I realised I love my body for everything it does and has done. It gets me up every morning, it allows to run around with my son, to walk my dog, to live and best of all, it housed and gave birth to my beautiful son. I may have put in a few pounds (*cough* stone) but I am not a number, I am not my mental health, I am me! Beautiful, considerate, caring and loving and I love me.
Love yourself even when you don’t feel that you deserve it ❤️