Finally feeling more positive

8CC44BDF-16C7-4A3C-8F60-BCF1C2430E08 It’s been a little while since I posted so I thought it was time to update you with my journey. I was out on sertraline on Friday after my visit to my GP but unfortunately I had an allergic reaction to it over the weekend so I was back at the docs yesterday! I have been given some antihistamines and been prescribed citalopram, which I have used previously. I have to allow time for the reaction to settle but I can start the new tablets one Friday.

I have to say though I am already feeling like a weight has been lifted by just seeking the help I need. My boss has also been great and given me this week off to recover a bit. I have beautiful friends who totally understand and have been so supportive and my husband is just the best. So is my son who understands mommy is poorly, we have explained to him in a way a 5 year old can understand.

I urge anyone who is struggling to keep talking and keep seeking that help. It’s out there!

I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote for my son tonight.

Amy xx

“Oh, how I could lie here all night
Staring at your sweet, baby face
The innocence dancing up on it
In the flickering moonlight”

-NAMHBlog

It’s okay not to be okay

9BEFB39A-B545-4E65-AB11-A63AEBE7990B When I started this blog, I wanted to try and remain as positive as possible but I have come to realise that’s not always possible. Some days are just bad and sometimes you have a bad patch. I am struggling just now and I reminding myself that it is absolutely okay not to be okay. I am not weak, I am not useless, I am human and so are you. I have my doctors appointment booked for tomorrow morning and my lovely friend is sending me some healing crystals. I will be okay, I just have to keep battling on and get the help and support I need.

I need to take some time to heal properly and not try to rush things all the time. I will probably take some meds again along with some therapy. I find talking helps me and talking to someone outside is even better for me. I need to try and move forward for myself and my family and not keep getting stuck in this cycle. I know I will always suffer with this but I want to have more good days than bad, I want to be able to spend more quality time with my son and my husband and not have to spend days off work turning into a recluse. I need to move on.

Keep fighting warriors, stay strong but stay human.

Love,

Amy xx

Bad days

134E6163-B77B-4F80-899D-FDEB05142632 **** TRIGGER WARNING ****

I seem to be having more bad days than good just recently and I’m just feeling so tired! In fact, tired is an understatement, I’m exhausted! Emotionally, physically. I’m struggling to see it getting better and I’m struggling to find the motivation for making it better but feeling guilty that I’m not trying. I hate this! So I have picked up the phone and made my doctors appointment.

I came off my antidepressants a few months ago (with my doctor) but I think it was too soon. I feel like I am back at square one again and I can’t keep doing this. I want to move forward, to have more good days than bad and feel better. I know I’ll never be 100% well and I’m okay with that, I’m okay with the fact that I am different to who I used to be. That a massive change has happened inside me, inside my mind. But I want to feel almost normal again.

I am also going to ask about counselling again and actually attend more than one session. That’s my mammoth task done for the day.

I’ll leave you with one of my latest poems below.

Amy xx

“This constant battle inside my mind.
War and destruction is all I find.
Emotions running high
With no real reason why.
When you really have it all.
But you put up the brick wall.
Let it all slide.
Find somewhere to hide.
And make it all stop……..”

-NAMHBlog

Work mates are sometimes the best mates

C97FA0BE-391D-4F0A-8F6E-410C84C44416 It’s been a very strange couple of days since I lasted posted. I was I’ll with a bug at the beginning of the week which never does wonders for my mental health! So I’ve been feeling very down again and struggling to find any motivation. But I did return to work on Wednesday to cover a shift for a colleague (regretted it but that’s a different story) and worked last night and had the best shift ever!

We literally laughed all night which, those of us with mental health problems know is just the best therapy but more than that we talked! And I discovered that both of my team mates I was working with both suffer with their mental health so we had like a little mini counselling/therapy session whilst cleaning down for the night and it was awesome. I think we all came away feeling a little lighter and a little more right with the world.

Anyway, talk more and feel better.

Love,

Amy xx